Today was my first day on the ICU. I showed up at 6:30 this morning. I haven't been up that early in I don't know how long. My preceptor is a little bit intense and we had the sickest patient in the unit. This guy is 41 and nearly all of his systems are shutting down. He is on a ventilator and continuous dialysis, and his ex-wife works on the unit. We spent all day working on him, trying to help him get better. Then around 2:00, his family made the decision to let him go. His 15 year old son was able to come up and tell his dad good-bye and be at peace that we had done all that we could do to make him better. His mom and sister and brother were all there to comfort him and hold his hand and not allow him to leave alone. It was a less than ideal situation to walk in on for my first day. As much as I love my job and my career, for the first time I wondered if this is for me. Can I really handle everything that is included with coming to the ICU and having this intense of patients. But then, my patient's ex-wife, a virtual stranger, told me thanks for everything that I did for them. I still can't get his son's eyes out of my head.


Because of this, I want to value my friends and my family even more. I want to take my relationships to the next level. I want to get to know my friends even more than I already do. I don't want to feel so alone during a bad time, that the only outlet I can find is in alcohol. I don't want to be so alone that I lose sight of what is most important to me--my friends, my family, those closest to me. I want everyone to know how important and valuable they are to me. I'll find ways to make it known...